{"id":54,"date":"2006-12-12T14:20:01","date_gmt":"2006-12-12T14:20:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/example.com\/?p=54"},"modified":"2006-12-12T14:20:01","modified_gmt":"2006-12-12T14:20:01","slug":"do-it-yourself-diy-skip-your-good-friend-s-wedding-tips","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/2006\/12\/12\/do-it-yourself-diy-skip-your-good-friend-s-wedding-tips\/","title":{"rendered":"Do It Yourself (DIY): “Skip your good friend’s wedding” tips"},"content":{"rendered":"

The following incident has true citation to all characters and names mentioned and all references to the same must be deemed as correct representation of events as they unfolded. <\/span><\/p>\n

22:08
\nDec 10, 2006
\nNandanvan
\nMumbai<\/span><\/p>\n

Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>f*** man
\nBird<\/a>: <\/strong>cant
\ni am tired
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>dimaag hurting
\nyea i wont either
\nBird: <\/strong>my head & my body exist on different planes now
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>hmm
\nBird: <\/strong>if ranjit would’ve got the stuff yday, i think we would’ve died today
\nif this is what happens after booze
\nkya paani piya mein aaj
\nraanti ki tarah
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>easily … our conversations wud be on .. during our journey to the otherside
\nwudav been interesting .. hopefully we wudnt have this ache there
\nBird: <\/strong>yeps
\ndo you know why i keep hearing “abhi to mein jawaan hoon” in my head?
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>im not too sure .. must the same reason why i hear beedi
\nBird: <\/strong>hmmm
\natleast you get sunidhi chauhan
\ni get alisha chinoy, f*** i mustve had the worst of the daaru
\ni quit drinking as of now
\nno after goa i quit rinking
\nBird: <\/strong>mask apna rape karne waala hai
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>yea .. im sure it’ll be far more enjoyable than what we’re going thru now
\nBird: <\/strong>& believe it or not, we both have the most valid reason of all for not going
\ni swear, mein baangd ko yehi bola…
\nif mask comes & stands witha shotgun to omy temple…
\ni’ll still puke on him
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>yea well … this happens with us only i suppose
\nwe’re the only two besharam nanguys who’ve always been on Bird Standard time and Abs Standard Time respectively
\nall our lives
\nBird: <\/strong>i’ll tell mask that he decided to marry on the wrong day
\n<\/span>Abhi: <\/strong><\/span>yea … and thats true too
\nBird: <\/strong>the question is do we move to world standard time or do others move to our time?
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>he couldav consulted us at least
\nBird: <\/strong>yes
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>its all his fault man
\nBird: <\/strong>or kept his wedding at the bungalow at madh
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>i think we can put the shotgun on his temple now
\nBird: <\/strong>we’d have been there
\nsleeping but we’d be there
\nyes
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>yea .. totally out of taste this .. mask … we’re gonna hunt u down for this
\nBird: <\/strong>wrong timing & wrong venue
\nyes
\nwe are
\nBird: <\/strong>lets call mask home for this, i cant go out hunting
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>yea man .. i’ll email him
\nu think he’d check his mail on his marriage nite?
\nBird: <\/strong>my account is sometimes hacked by entities from other dimensions
\ndepends
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>im not sure where that came from? but if it makes u happy .. im happy for u
\nBird: <\/strong>if his wife thinks keeping mask out on their first nite is romantic
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>im not too sure mrs mask will think so
\nBird: <\/strong>no thats was my excuse if mask ever decides to read our mail
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>but if mask does … then we dont need to to shoot him afterall
\nBird: <\/strong>she is mrs.mask
\nshe is capapble of whatever mask is capable of
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>excuse the missing dot
\nBird: <\/strong>ok
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>my head is not really on my neck today
\nBird: <\/strong>hey mrs is a login id of my office colleague
\nwe call him missus nowadays
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>is he a she or a he?
\nBird: <\/strong>we asked him that & he looked confused, checked his i card & confirmed that he is a he
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>why does it sound like someone’s blowing a trumpet near my ear
\nBird: <\/strong>does that mean he has posed naked for his i card foto?
\nits better than alisha chinay singing
\nsorry madam “chinoy”
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>i agree .. anything is better than chinoy
\nBird: <\/strong>she got angry & started to sing even more louder
\nyes, in the singing sense right
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>alrite there’s gonna be two shotgun murders tonite ..
\nBird: <\/strong>she does look attractive otherwise
\nor used to
\nwe are going to commit suicides?
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>careful there … u’r going the baangd way .. i think she’s 200 years old or something
\nBird: <\/strong>if my body & my mind dies, does that mean i’ve killed 2 entities?
\nno man
\nshe must be 45
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>we wudnt want a second PILF hunter coming our way man
\nBird: <\/strong>ok i am slowly becoming the baangd
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>its difficult enuf handling one
\nBird: <\/strong>yes sorry
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>chal bhai ..
\nBird: <\/strong>does alisha chinoy have a daughter then?
\nyo
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>im off trying to neutralize my blood off IB+
\nBird: <\/strong>gud nite
\ntake an aspirin
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>pray for me
\nBird: <\/strong>you are going out?
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>and we shall do the shooting tomorrow
\nBird: <\/strong>dont bend
\n<\/span>Abhi<\/strong><\/span>: <\/strong>my out for now is 2 mts across
\nBird: <\/strong>world spins faster when the head nears the ground
\nAbhi: <\/strong>which pretty much is my length rite now
\ni will take that advice
\nBird: <\/strong>plus dont look up either
\nAbhi: <\/strong>gud nite
\nBird: <\/strong>it just proves that world really does spin that fast
\nAbhi: <\/strong>tootle .. blind man signing off
\nBird: <\/strong>ok
\nAbhi: <\/strong>advice taken<\/span><\/p>\n

—————— dab (dab) dab ——————<\/span><\/div>\n


\n<\/span><\/p>\n

10:40
\nDec 11, 2006
\n<\/span>Mumbai<\/span>
\n(Early next morning …….. over email ………)<\/span><\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n


\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Masku:<\/span> I was a disappointed not to find any of of my chaddi-buddies at my reception. I’m not going to get married again.<\/span><\/p>\n

Abhi:<\/span> A hundred million apologies masku … we (bird and me) promise to make it up to you and smriti.
\nWe had an emergency blackout which cannot be explained here and is still no excuse i’m sure ….. we will make it up to you bhai … clean dishes, wash clothes etc. anything you tell us to do except drink daaru again (that we cannot do).<\/span><\/p>\n

Bird:<\/span> Dear Mrs. Mask & Mr. Mask,<\/span><\/p>\n

In addition to abs’ apologies, my million apologies to you & smriti, we are ashamed of our behaviour man, in fact i came to office wearing a plastic bag on my head to hide the criminal face. And like abs said, we’ll do whatever to make it up to you & smriti, i am good at polishing shoes btw & good with children, if in the future you need help with babysitting little masks.<\/p>\n

I know that nothing that we do will put things right, but pls do understand & apne ko maaf kar de, if possible. Tu bole to we can plan a small get together when both adit & appoo<\/a> are in town, have dinner someplace.<\/p>\n

Now that you know i am shameless can you please send accross the leftover mithai & stuff?<\/p>\n

Once again Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Mask, have a happy, peaceful & prosperous life together.<\/span><\/p>\n

Warm Regards,
\nBird
\n(989xx xxxxx), the population of irla bridge at peak hours)<\/p>\n

PS: Dont get married again, we are running out of excuses.<\/p>\n

\n

—————— dab (dab) dab ——————
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

We love you Mask, and wish you and Smriti all the very best in your journey ahead. Be good to wifey and don’t pull your wise cracks and bore the crap outta Smriti. And Smriti, if you’re reading this, we’re gifting you a chaabuk (whip) to whack Masku if he shells out his tall tales.<\/span><\/p>\n

Happy marriage celebrations once again …. and yes, don’t get married again<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The following incident has true citation to all characters and names mentioned and all references to the same must be deemed as correct representation of events as they unfolded. 22:08 Dec 10, 2006 Nandanvan Mumbai Abhi: f*** man Bird: cant i am tired Abhi: dimaag hurting yea i wont either Bird: my head & my body exist on different planes now Abhi: hmm Bird: if ranjit would’ve got the stuff yday, i think we would’ve died today if this is what happens after booze kya paani piya mein aaj raanti ki tarah Abhi: easily … our conversations wud be on .. during our journey to the otherside wudav been interesting .. hopefully we wudnt have this ache there Bird: yeps do you know why i keep hearing “abhi to mein jawaan hoon” in my head? Abhi: im not too sure .. must the same reason why i hear beedi Bird: hmmm atleast you get sunidhi chauhan i get alisha chinoy, f*** i mustve had the worst of the daaru i quit drinking as of now no after goa i quit rinking Bird: mask apna rape karne waala hai Abhi: yea .. im sure it’ll be far more enjoyable than what we’re going thru now Bird: & believe it or not, we both have the most valid reason of all for not going i swear, mein baangd ko yehi bola… if mask comes & stands witha shotgun to omy temple… i’ll still puke on him Abhi: yea well … this happens with us only i suppose we’re the only two besharam nanguys who’ve always been on Bird Standard time and Abs Standard Time respectively all our lives Bird: i’ll tell mask that he decided to marry on the wrong day Abhi: yea … and thats true too Bird: the question is do we move to world standard time or do others move to our time? Abhi: he couldav consulted us at least Bird: yes Abhi: its all his fault man Bird: or kept his wedding at the bungalow at madh Abhi: i think we can put the shotgun on his temple now Bird: we’d have been there sleeping but we’d be there yes Abhi: yea .. totally out of taste this .. mask … we’re gonna hunt u down for this Bird: wrong timing & wrong venue yes we are Bird: lets call mask home for this, i cant go out hunting Abhi: yea man .. i’ll email him u think he’d check his mail on his marriage nite? Bird: my account is sometimes hacked by entities from other dimensions depends Abhi: im not sure where that came from? but if it makes u happy .. im happy for u Bird: if his wife thinks keeping mask out on their first nite is romantic Abhi: im not too sure mrs mask will think so Bird: no thats was my excuse if mask ever decides to read our mail Abhi: but if mask does … then we dont need to to shoot him afterall Bird: she is mrs.mask she is capapble of whatever mask is capable of Abhi: excuse the missing dot Bird: ok Abhi: my head is not really on my neck today Bird: hey mrs is a login id of my office colleague we call him missus nowadays Abhi: is he a she or a he? Bird: we asked him that & he looked confused, checked his i card & confirmed that he is a he Abhi: why does it sound like someone’s blowing a trumpet near my ear Bird: does that mean he has posed naked for his i card foto? its better than alisha chinay singing sorry madam “chinoy” Abhi: i agree .. anything is better than chinoy Bird: she got angry & started to sing even more louder yes, in the singing sense right Abhi: alrite there’s gonna be two shotgun murders tonite .. Bird: she does look attractive otherwise or used to we are going to commit suicides? Abhi: careful there … u’r going the baangd way .. i think she’s 200 years old or something Bird: if my body & my mind dies, does that mean i’ve killed 2 entities? no man she must be 45 Abhi: we wudnt want a second PILF hunter coming our way man Bird: ok i am slowly becoming the baangd Abhi: its difficult enuf handling one Bird: yes sorry Abhi: chal bhai .. Bird: does alisha chinoy have a daughter then? yo Abhi: im off trying to neutralize my blood off IB+ Bird: gud nite take an aspirin Abhi: pray for me Bird: you are going out? Abhi: and we shall do the shooting tomorrow Bird: dont bend Abhi: my out for now is 2 mts across Bird: world spins faster when the head nears the ground Abhi: which pretty much is my length rite now i will take that advice Bird: plus dont look up either Abhi: gud nite Bird: it just proves that world really does spin that fast Abhi: tootle .. blind man signing off Bird: ok Abhi: advice taken —————— dab (dab) dab —————— 10:40 Dec 11, 2006 Mumbai (Early next morning …….. over email ………) Masku: I was a disappointed not to find any of of my chaddi-buddies at my reception. I’m not going to get married again. Abhi: A hundred million apologies masku … we (bird and me) promise to make it up to you and smriti. We had an emergency blackout which cannot be explained here and is still no excuse i’m sure ….. we will make it up to you bhai … clean dishes, wash clothes etc. anything you tell us to do except drink daaru again (that we cannot do). Bird: Dear Mrs. Mask & Mr. Mask, In addition to abs’ apologies, my million apologies to you & smriti, we are ashamed of our behaviour man, in fact i came to office wearing a plastic bag on my head to hide the criminal face. And like abs said, we’ll do whatever to make it up to you & smriti, i am good at polishing shoes btw & good with children, if in the future you need help with babysitting little masks. I know that nothing that we do will put things right, but pls do understand & apne ko maaf kar de, if possible. Tu bole to we can plan a small get together when both adit & appoo are in town, have dinner someplace. Now that you know i am shameless can you please send accross the leftover mithai & stuff? Once again Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Mask, have a happy, peaceful & prosperous life together. Warm Regards, Bird (989xx xxxxx), the population of irla bridge at peak hours) PS: Dont get married again, we are running out of excuses. —————— dab (dab) dab —————— We love you Mask, and wish you and Smriti all the very best in your journey ahead. Be good to wifey and don’t pull your wise cracks and bore the crap outta Smriti. And Smriti, if you’re reading this, we’re gifting you a chaabuk (whip) to whack Masku if he shells out his tall tales. Happy marriage celebrations once again …. and yes, don’t get married again<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-54","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=54"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=54"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=54"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/statueofpuberty.com\/sp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=54"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}