In a planet of barbarians and bizarre research habits by the barbarians (at the expense of innocent guinea pigs) we’ve taken basic levels of primate sacraments and thrown them into forms of financial edification …
The article
http://www.boingboing.net/2005/06/05/monkeys_taught_to_us.html essentially forms the basis of this post. For those who don’t like clicking on links (and or share “hyperlink-o-phobia” with some of my office mates), this article in effect tells us that researchers have successfully ventured into the primate psyche and effectively corrupted them with monetary knowledge/benefits.
In other words (in bold), Monkeys have been taught to use money
And now … lets put up the million $$ question (also in bold … but bigger … and naah .. i don’t do colors) …
WHY THE BLOODY ****????
To think of a few implications which might come about as a direct result of the work by these scientists (who BTW I think, have very little to do … but for that decent bout of funding)
So here goes:
a) New segments for monkey classified advts. will kick off in our local newspapers and magazines (with mandatory hints of Financial and PR benefits). [note: PR = Primate Resource]
- Manpower sourcing agencies and firms will start re-branding on Primate terminologies.
- World bodies and related standards bodies will commence readdressing the acronyms already in place.
- Systems all over the globe will rework on code and commence the system procedures for primate standards and processes.
b) We now have the option of sending our pet monkey to do our bargaining
c) As we get older and sulkier, we can blame all the economic ills in the country to the addition of primates into shareholder positions.
d) Estate rates will not be affected (at least in Mumbai)
e) Lumber may cost more (we’ll have to pay monkeys a premium for cutting down their houses and eventually give them concrete homes)
f) Estate rates will still not be affected
g) Monkeys will aim to hold top financial positions and will start applying for CA exams [and come good before Bird (ouch) … sorry Bird … but I had to put this you lazy oaf]
h) A new ip addressing unit/prototype (Ipv-primate1) will enable monkeys to host websites with custom defined protocols.
- A select few will venture into Internet businesses.
- In no time we will have the first of many monkey billionaires (with ventures like Primart.com, eBaboon.com, EmpireState.com (Amazon.com has been annexed by us, it’s only natural for them to return that act).
i) Estate rates … yes … you guessed it
j) And no more funny comments on Mariah Carey, Altaf Raja and our all time favorite, Bappi da
Add some more to this list … we might just face this scenario in our lifetime
We’ll never know who’ll “not” sanction our next home, car, artillery distribution centre loan
(or well … maybe not!!)