Thailee tullee (booze “retailed” in plastic bags) is common practice in rural India (and yes, cities too). A major concoction of breweries mixed to form one potent tipple. One of the known “brands” in the large and scaling thailee tullee market is Poonam (a girl’s name), which is available quite freely in the suburbs of Mumbai (not the girl, pervs).
I’m not too sure if any of us has tried their hands (feet, or maybe some opening, makes more sense) on these thailee blinkers (other than Bird), but trust me you, these drips sure have the power to throw one’s suspenders off.
The core essence is the formulation of a belligerent type of ethanol (ethyl alcohol and not methyl alcohol – which kills or gives a lifetime of free 24/7 loose motions … choose the better of the two options), commonly found in most other spirits (not the scary/funny ones … this one, most of us see and most importantly smell and consume). So alcohol (yes, Johnny, Old Monk, Bacardi, Smirnoff and our other exotic brothers) essentially combines ethanol and fruit fluids (and sometimes industry essence or ‘look and feel’ alikes). This Ethyl alcohol formation is further assisted by our fermenting kings & queens (fungi viz. yeast, but not quite), which makes what we so tetchily consume [somehow da booze doesn’t quite seem all that interesting now, don’t it?].
Alright now, we have this park called Lallubhai Park (some say Linkin Park branded their band on it, LP said no when I asked them though) close to where we stay, which has this bhatti (recap the famous Mithun dialog “yeh bhatti meri maa hai, aaish”). Ok, so this bhatti recently underwent trauma (no, Iyer and Bangd were not making out here … actually I’m not sure), but the reason was that our pandus (Mumbai Police) came all guns (or lame sticks) blazing at these thailee outlets. The funny part was that the raid was an accident.
Yes, two police constables went there at 11 PM for their bi-weekly dose. Now, the bhatti is designed to hold 6-8 people in an L-shaped drag (bar like). Our two heroes are seated on either side of the L (like lovers holding hands – but let’s not imagine this part). Anyhoo, one of the pandus suddenly catches a glimpse of his Inspector’s bike outside the bhatti. He immediately gets up without telling the other pandu and panics to the extent of stamping up on the immediate next dude. Glasses fall, panic spreads, pandu 2 still clueless thinks he did something wrong and pleads in front of pandu 1 to ask him what he did wrong. Pandu 1 still in deep panic decides to do the best thing that came to his jalopy mind. He pretends that it’s a raid and that he is the raid officer (four glasses already down). He starts smashing everything around him and shouts at the top of his voice. Pandu 2 oblivious to the pretence tries to hold pandu 1 (assessing by now that the ethanol has turned somewhat methanol inside pandu 2). He slaps him, which prompts pandu 1 to bellow the fact that their boss is outside. Pandu 2 evidently unable to make head or tail of what pandu 1 is yelling with the shoddier commotion inside the 5 square feet bhatti. And to add to the hubbub, in comes our Inspector (again for his periodic dose, unaware of his two associate’s hara-kiri as for that matter even their presence in there). Pandu 2 looks up at his boss and the tube strikes him (“ok, so the ethyl is still ethyl”, he thinks). And alongside pandu 1 starts smashing glasses and whatever’s visible within smashing range. The inspector looking at his two poptoos smashing around, comes in a does the same.
Now all three were there for the same reason but ended up doing something totally chaotic. The bhatti owner (and Poonam) lost out big time. They were taken in, beaten up and then released. The inspector too, I suppose lost out, sure he did … he didn’t get a single drop of that nectorous awe, that’s really badddd.
Little did the two hapless pandus know that their boss would also be coming in to chill his gut. I think there’s a lesson to be learnt here (no it’s not the corporate/management thingy, we’re so used to. This one’s just straightforward and simply put).
“When you’re committed to a questionable act and your boss shows up, don’t strike the booze. Booze is innocent man. Do not beat the booze. Write this one hundred times on ruled paper”
Ah now, where’s my Long Island. I wonder how long island would come about in a thailee!! Brillianto … Bird get me a pen n paper … lets have our business plan laid out for this exotic cocktail bhatti. Bird? Wee art thou? Bird? abey bha…