In a bizarre turn of events, the selection committee named God as India’s next probable captain. After serious deliberations on the current hotchpotch between Greg Chappell and Saurav Ganguly, the committee unanimously echoed a truce and waved white flags (released ‘white’ doves on both sides etc.) and decided to suspend the latter‘s team credit cards (so no more “assumed private visits” to Nagma land for Dada, unless he gets hooked onto a TV commercial OR is funded by his wife). Mr. Chappell was also allowed to continue with due warning that he could no longer send emails to anyone on the board (despite the fact that he had nothing to do with the email leak, tells a lot about our management and their technology skills). A system admin will now monitor all outbound mails coming from Chappell’s account(s).
In a separate incident, the Bureau of Prevention and Detection of Email Forwards reprimanded the Chairman of BCCI, Mr. Jagmohan Dalmiya and remitted him to Delhi Cyber Crime Squad (yes it exists!!). The news on air was that Mr. Dalmiya apparently was pleading not guilty with due claims of a crude-techno-psychological gumball that has apparently been inside his head for the better part of his life. This, to his defense will mean that he was not thinking when he hit the forward button (that also explains a better part of what he’s been doing all this time in the Cricketing world). Some other reports say that he has always been a spammer, with members of the board getting his chain mails (“Click this link to earn $100000”, “Click here to visit Tarannum” and the likes).
Moving ahead … with the Dada b/s (versus) Chappell news flowing all over bangla channels and newspapers. Despite this, West Bengal was surprisingly quiet and sobered down with only incidents spanning burning down of Chappell effigies/pictures, stone throwing at the Australian Consulate and some Anglo-Indian homes (apparently they’re still clueless where Chappell came from), some morchas (processions) with “Chaulbe Na” (This Won’t Do) cries and banners.
By the bay, if anybun baunts to join the morcha, do note down the timings: Breakfaast – 10:00 AM to 11:00 AM followed by the briefing on how to auppear busy. Then lunch at 12:00 PM followed by the 3 hour nap. Restart the morcha at 3:00 PM and shut down shop at 4:00 to retire for the day. Contact anybun in the city for this info, he/she bill know bhere the next session will be. There aupparently is a bangla bebsite for searching, seeking and aupplying for these morchas. The pre-requisites to aupply include the phonetic adjustment and usage of “b” instead of “v” in daily diction and the aubility to eat liquids or at least claim that you eat it and not drink it.
(I’ve always wondered this one thing bout Bongs. Bengal must have come about as a direct result of their inability/reluctance to pronounce “V”. So was Bengal originally Vengal?). Anyways, coming back to the topic and point, Kolkata is relatively mild mannered in this entire fiasco. It’s lazed chaotic morchas, stone throwing, and effigy burning as usual in Bengal.
Of course, with news of the truce hitting the air (and all Bangla channels) things have gone back to where it was originally (i.e. lazed chaotic morchas, stone throwing, and effigy burning as it usually is in Bengal)
As for why God was being speculated as the next Indian captain, well it goes without saying … only He can save us now. The team’s been playing crappy all this time anyways. Now we have a coach, a captain and their unmarked love for each other, which we all know for sure is gonna further pull down the psyche of this already hurried up team. With whackos like Harbhajan Singh, who BTW doesn’t know his mother from his dog (harsh words used by my boss thrown at Manish JP – our network admin – these words still remain fresh in my head for some reason) and Ashish Nehra, who quite frankly is a true waste of talent and his own time (and he stands as his own culprit and admits it too, yes he’s gonna tell us that he’s stupid … Oh wait … he’s injured again, slipped in the bath and broke his collar bone .. I guess next time then). Both these “items” have time and again shown that their wonderful skills on the ground have always gone hand-in-hand (or mouth) with their fouled mouths. Learn to respect your team you nitwits, and that’s a sincere request.
Dravid is the pauper in this entire ordeal and he will soon unfortunately take over the role of India’s “scapegoat” for all bashing. But I still maintain, give God a chance to lead.
God save these men and Indian cricket
PS: On second thoughts, maybe we should put Dalmiya in the bootcamp and make him lead the team as punishment to his spam/chain mail. Ganguly anyways didnt really perform. Isn’t too much different from this person who doesn’t know which side of the bat to hold while batting. And plus we won’t have no spam nomore from this dude eh, ain’t that something!!